Gerdie Notes - One Day At A Time » Gerdie’s personal journal on how her life unfolds one day at a time.

After a 5-week rest from radiation therapy and its weakening effect on my body, I finally had my CT scan last Tuesday.  Actually, I was somehow depressed since Monday night after looking at my blood test results.  The tumor marker CA 19-9 was still soaring at 3865 (highest normal is 39).  So, I knew somehow, that the CT scan result won’t look too good.

By Wednesday afternoon, I was anxious.  I was supposed to get the results by 6pm but word came from the hospital that it wasn’t ready.  I immediately thought that perhaps they needed a more experienced radiologist to look at the plates to give a thorough description.  Well, true enough.  The next day, as soon as I saw the result, I knew that the doctors had given my scan more time than they did before.  It was more detailed.

Just as I thought, it didn’t look good.  So let’s start with the biggest mass which is found near my pancreas.  This is what’s giving me my back pain because it’s near the superior mesenteric vein, one responsible for sending out signals that I am experiencing pain in the abdominal area.  That is why my oncologist opted for radiation to relieve me of the pain and hopefully, decrease the size.  Well, the 28-day radiation therapy did its purpose of relieving me of pain even if it left my body terribly weak.  My opioid pain reliever is down to 30mg a day from 90mg before the therapy began.  So, that’s pretty good news, right?  I can now lay on my back, even for let’s say, good 10 minutes.  I can sleep well too!  :)  It did shrink but not drastically.  From 5 x 4 cm, it is now 4.5 x 3 cm.  At least, it shrank. 

While the radiation was being done, I had no chemotherapy whatsoever.  I knew that the lung tumors will start to grow bigger and perhaps multiply.  And based on my CT scan result, I was right.  The largest of them all, is now 2.8 cm in its widest dimension.  Next to it is another one with a short-axis dimension of 2.4 cm.  Basically, they expanded almost one centimeter in three months.  On top of these, newer ones sprouted.  I can imagine my lungs to be somewhat like that ‘connect the dots’ game I used to play when I was young.

The next one I watch out for is my liver.  There is one mass that used to measure 2.4 x 3 cm.  Now, even with the radiation therapy, it grew to 3.4 x 3.3 cm.  Plus, new nodules appearing on both right and left lobes.  Not a good sign, really.

What surprised me however,  is an entirely new kid on the block.  He’s now parked on my pancreatic tail and measures 2.5 x 2.1 cm and he’s got smaller buddies hanging out with him!  What a gang!

Thank God there is no bone metastasis and the rest of my organs are ok.  I look good too!  ;)  My other doctor, who is in charge of palliative care says that I don’t look sick at all.  My secret?  ;)  Symmetry’s Genesis, which I will discuss with you in another blog.  It’s what brought my appetite back in a week!

So after reading the results, I knew things weren’t looking good and I wanted to find out what’s next.  Naturally, a trip to my oncologist is necessary.  Which is what I did the other day.

Prior to seeing her, I had my mind set on not having chemotherapy anymore.  Radiation, not even.  Oh, it’s because I didn’t like how I felt while undergoing those therapies.  My body was weak.  I didn’t know how I should feel - whether I felt cold or warm.  I had to constantly rest and rest and rest.  My mind couldn’t concentrate on important matters.  I had no appetite.   I just didn’t like it.  It made me so depressed and I needed to constantly battle that.

Two of my friends, Kathy (a colon cancer survivor ) and Billy ( a breast cancer survivor ), were praying that I consider alternative medicine.  They wanted me to have a better quality of life and enjoy the rest of what the Lord has in store for me.  It’s an answered prayer for them because eventually, I opted to take products of Symmetry, under the recommendation of another cancer survivor, Dra. Catibog.  The supplements helped me a lot and I feel much better now.

My oncologist, Dr. Tiangco,  agreed to almost everything I expressed to her.  She didn’t force me to take the next protocol of chemotherapy.  She agreed to my desire of wanting a quality of life.  That’s why she recommended that I see Dr. Liza Manalo for palliative care.  Dr. Tiangco and Dr. Manalo (who I saw the same day) were very honest in answering all my questions and I appreciated their being frank with me.  I asked if the rate of growth of the tumors is very agressive or can be considered normal.  Dr. Tiangco said, “Normal”.  I asked what are the things I should watch out for should the disease worsen.  So, she explained to me what to expect in my lungs and in my liver, whichever goes first.  It was hard for both Dr. Tiangco and Dr. Manalo to answer exactly how things will pan out as of course, they both know that these things are not under their control.  They can only give me a scenario of things that may happen.  At the end of the day, only God knows what will eventually happen to me.

Then I popped the hardest question.  “Doc, given this picture of tumors in my body plus statistics and your knowledge of how pancreatic cancer works, how long do you think will I last?”  Both doctors answered six months to a year.  Of course, they both know that God is still in control of everything and it is really very hard for them to predict a person’s life span but if I wanted a ball park figure for me to have a sort of time frame to base my future plans on, this is what they gave.  Actually, I wasn’t surprised.  Over the weekend, I kind of thought of the same thing for myself.  Six to nine months with the hope of a miracle that God will heal me through the Symmetry products am taking.

For now, I was advised to live my life as normal as I can.  Anyway, I’m still relatively strong.  I can eat and sleep well.  Although limited, I can still do the things I love to do.  I can still dream and hope to do a little bit more than what’s on my hands right now.  I’m just praying that I won’t be too depressed.  Otherwise, that’ll be a real battle.

Oh yes, there are a lot of things on my mind but I’ll just share those some other time.  I think I’ve written you a lot of information to chew on.  ;)  Sorry… it’s not good news.

So there.  Please continue to pray with me?  I’ve pretty much accepted everything, really.  It is not easy that’s for sure but one thing I can tell you, I am not bitter.  :)  I am still hoping for a miracle - if that’s God’s plan.

Hey…  thanks for reading my blog this far and for keeping yourself interested in my life.  I hope that as I share you my thoughts and feelings, you too can learn from me.  Most of all, I hope that as I share my life in Christ, you may be drawn nearer to the One who holds our lives dearly.  :)  God bless you all!